Author's Note: This is a wierd piece. My brain scares me sometimes. This may give you nightmares so have fun with is.
Lashing pain burns my lower body, nearly searing the flesh off bone. There is nothing friendly about this fire, it burns only to destroy. The upper half of my body is covered in tiny spears of ice. Water turned evil. These two opposite forces work in harmony to break down my will. They are inside my body and out. I can no longer scream because my vocal cords snapped from the cold, just as my eyes popped from the cold. My hands froze solid then shattered. The stumps of my feet provide a doorway for the fire to enter my body. Opposite forces collide on the outside first causing my body to implode. My every bone is snapped. Then when they meet inside I'm blasted into a million pieces gently floating in the breeze. I am ready to welcome the relief of death when I realize that I can still feel what's happening to my body. The eternal pain still stalks me in death.
Wow!! Okay that was REALLY creepy and at the same time it was really good. The voice you used made it seem as if it were happening at that very moment.!!!WOW!!!
ReplyDeleteO.M.G That was reaallyy good writing because right now i feel like i am going to throw up. In a good way lol.You could be a great irony writer.
ReplyDeleteThat's deep. I felt like i knew exactly what was going on but I think you should try to revise it and add details
ReplyDeleteWHOA!!! I am officially freaked out!!! It was really great writing, I think I might have nightmares tonight...
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Natalie! That was really creepy but well writin.
ReplyDelete~Katelyn
It was quite creepy. Very well written too. Oh, and Derek you would think of like blowing up or something to that extent :)
ReplyDeleteSo you did post it, even though it was edited. Not so sure I would want to see the non-edited version. There was a lot of voice and strong vocabulary in it. Good job! You should try posting some poetry on your blog.
ReplyDeleteThat was creepy. But in a good way! It was very well written and the voice and arrangement of it all was really good!
ReplyDeleteHow terrible. Not the writing, the writing was great. You used great voice, and it sounded extremely poetic. Just the scene though, the picture it paints in your head. It was scary. An irony is intended to take you that scary place, a place that is feared, and it really did that. Great job Derek.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Alyssa. This was really good, and really frightening! But the purpose of irony is to make you feel better about yourself, and this definately made me feel that way! Awesome job!
ReplyDeletePoetry and I don't really go well together. Thank you for all the comments.
ReplyDeleteWow! That is something! Oh my god, that would hurt so bad! His hands shattered! It is really good writing and you have a really good voice even though it many paint some very horrific pictures in my head. Good job, though!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for spoiling my lunch. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis was really effective, in a scary way. Irony is supposed to be a nightmare vision, and you certainly succeed in that.
ReplyDeleteThat was really descriptive but kind of scary. I agree with Mr. J that you definatly succeeded at creating a nightmare vision.
ReplyDeleteYou should try writing it as a poem it would be really good.
ReplyDeletesee this doesn't surprise me.
ReplyDeleteyou would... creepy
wow ryan
ReplyDeleteThe voice was really strong and you used really good vocabulary, but in the end did you go to hell?
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ReplyDeletederek that figures, but that was good
ReplyDeleteTHAT IS A GOOD QUESTION CLAIRE,DID YOU
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